You know what?
Japan is crazy. In the past nine days, I’ve spent every moment either giggling or being confused at something I can’t understand. Or sometimes both. Naturally, Tokyo’s neon allure has seduced me away from relaying back about my adventures on a daily basis. When you see a pants-wearing monkey performing on a dock, then taking a break by climbing onto a folding chair and drinking a cup from McDonald’s, the last thing you’re thinking is, “Wait ‘til my blog hears about this!” My threshold for weirdness has been pushed to heights I thought never possible. When I get back to Chicago tomorrow (later today for Japan) I’ll try my best not to sniff at every opportunity and say, “You think that’s weird? Well, in Japan…” The last two days were an especially nice respite from Tokyo, as I took the bullet train past Mount Fuji and Kyoto to be in Osaka. If Tokyo is Japan’s New York, then Osaka is definitely San Francisco. But it’s so much more than that.
Osaka is where girls who are told to tell you they 17 years old will dress as a maid, and solemnly tell you in broken English that they are shocked you wandered into their store, and then somberly tell you that nothing sexual will happen during the back rub she was about to give me. My thought? “Great, they’re going to make small talk with me while I get a massage?” Yeah, I saw a maid cafe the other day in Akaihabara, but this place was infinitely creepier. Still, it was easy to linger there for an hour or so when they give you hot tea and slippers—even though those women were all definitely 35. So, yeah. Basically, Japan is weird. It’s a mixture of temples and robots, politeness that verges on rudeness, and the most perverted and most kind people you will ever meet. I can’t think of a single interaction with people here that hasn’t left me smiling, even though I only barely understood what was being said. Karaoke transcends the language barrier. You can hang out at a karaoke bar in Osaka until 3 a.m., and a total stranger will hug you and want to practice their English. (That comes secondary to me singing Huey Lewis songs, though.) Anyway, Japan: Thanks so much for showing me a great time. I’ll be back some day.
